Sometimes I wish things were different...

Why did I put myself in this situation? Was it really my fate or my doing? or was it my bad karma that I am suffering like this? Do I really deserve this? All sorts of questions pops inside my head whenever I am feeling low or lonely.

Even when I am with others at times I feel lonely since nobody understands me really well. Nobody understands what I am going through and there is noone with whom I can share what I feel. Is this what life is all about? Does everyone goes through like this or is it me only who is going through this? I get no answers since the questions come back to me like a boomerang.

In the meantime life goes on and I start my everyday with a smile on my face and ready to face all challenges in life whatever it may be.

Why do good girls gets bad guys?

Why do good girls gets bad guys and vice versa? This is one question which keeps popping up in my mind at times. Statistics also confirm that it is true since there is hardly many couples who are both good or both bad. Is it because opposites attract? When I look around I always see that the good girls always end up marrying bad guys and good guys end up marrying bad girls. By good I mean a girl who is the take home kind of person one who is homely, decent, does all the household chores, a good wife, mother, friend etc.

She takes care of you and your likes and dislikes. She is the one who manages the house and outside very well. But her husband is a guy who has all the bad habits, stays out most of the time, does not do anything to help at home, ill treats his wife beats her even, has affairs with many but expects his wife to be good. By bad girl I mean one who parties all night, drinks and smokes, always out of the house, hardly manages the house, spends all the money for herself, who doesnot cook at all nor takes care of husband and kids. But her husband is a guy who stays at home, cooks and manages the house, takes care of the kids, does all the work himself, doesnot drink or smoke, treats her nicely.

So my question is - is it fair like that? Don't the good girls deserve a good guy? and good guys a good girl? or is it all about balancing the eco system? These days I hardly see any couple who are perfect in every sense. They deserve each other and compliment each other well. They share the work between them and do everything together and also give each other space at times to do their own thing. And i think the relationship lasts longer that way. Compromise should not be done by one person but both person involved to make a relationship work. But weird is the law of attraction because of which opposites attract and as it is love is blind.

Role of a Wife...

From the time of evolution, it has always been women who look after the house, children, doing all the household chores and men providing food, shelter and now money. It had been divided that way since they were best at what they did and also it saved time. But now women not only look after the house but also work in almost every field same as men.  And they are good at them plus bring the added income to run the family.

But despite all that, it is sad to see that women are still treated as doormats in many cases though we like to say that in Bhutan women have equal stature in society. It is mostly because women do not come out in the open and expose about the way they are treated by their husbands at home. They still believe that it is something which should remain within the walls of their own house. But sadly because of this, they are taken advantage of and treated badly. It is seen that in most cases it is because of husbands drinking heavily and beating their wives for small or no reason. Just because women work outside, some husbands get jealous easily and treat their wives badly.

The wives are expected to do everything at home even though they work equally in office and still husbands are not satisfied with it. It is very rare where husband helps in the household chores. Now since women are working, they are expected to do chores outside home also. Being the weaker sex, women take it silently.

But now many NGOs like RENEW have come up which help the women who are ill treated. Still it is sad to know that even well educated men tend to do this with their wives, so what can be expected from the uneducated or the villagers. Many don't approach for help for fear of what would happen to them and their children afterwards and the society doesn't think good of women who are single or divorced. Why does society still look down on women?

Actually women nowadays do multitasking juggling both home and career efficiently and they need to be appreciated for the same. They need to be respected and not treated as slaves or someone inferior to men. There will be clashes, there will be arguments, there will be difference of opinions since individuals don't think alike specially men and women but that does not mean the solution is to beat them, abuse them and bully them.

Everything can be solved by talking it out openly and listening to each other. Just as they want women to understand them, women also want their husbands to understand them. By nature both men and women are different and because opposites attract they fell in love with each other in the first place.

Treat your wives as your equal, a life partner and give her the respect she deserves. She will be devoted to you for life happily.

Language isn't a problem anymore

Though priviledged to be born in the beautiful valley of our capital city, I have spent most of my life in the southern belt. My parents were working in the Government and had done their schooling from India. They were well conversant in Lhotsamkha and hindi. Since they were working, they used to be transferred after certain period but luckily or unluckily it was always in the southern region and that too always near the border. Maybe because of all these factors and the fact that we used to converse in lhotsamkha at home, we children also used to talk in that language only. Another reason was at that time speaking Dzongkha was not that compulsory. Now after growing up, we sometimes like to blame it on our parents and we even questioned them as to why we did not speak Dzongkha at home like others. But maturity says that it is easier to put the blame on others but fault was ours also in some way.

In school it was no better since we used to speak lhotsamkha and sometimes english but dzongkha was rare. Even the dzongkha lopen used to explain it to us in nepali. I used to score good in other subjects but because of less marks in dzongkha, my percentage would come down drastically. I could never rote or mug up so I could not perform that well in dzongkha. So in totality, my dzongkha was very poor both spoken and written. Somehow I managed to get through class ten and as I wanted to pursue in science I got my admission in India. After that I completed my graduation and masters from India only. But while I was there, I used to speak dzongkha with some bhutanese friends since it was matter of prestige too. Otherwise, I used to speak in dzongkha only when spoken to or when I used to visit my native village where they can't understand or speak anything other than dzongkha.

Even when I started working, I did not face any problem since people speak english and lhotsamkha along with dzongkha. The thing was even the job I landed up with was in the southern border town only. It was only after I met my better half and got married, that I started speaking dzongkha at home and also in office. I must say that I have improved my vocabulary and I must thank my better half for that. It was only after marriage that I got interested to watch dzongkha programs, movies and listening to dzongkha songs. Now I even think in dzongkha sometimes.

So now I can proudly say that language is not a problem anymore - at least spoken.

My First Car...

I don't know exactly when the thought of buying a car came to my mind but it could be during one of the rides I took in my friend's car. She had an old model toyota corona and we used to hang around together most of the time and go for long drives along with other friends. It was around that time that I always used to dream about all types of vehicles and in the dream I used to be always in a situation that I had to drive the car though I did not know how to drive one.

Dreams were frequent and the only change was the scenario and the type of vehicle. Sometimes it used to be a Landcruiser, sometimes just a car, sometimes a Jeep etc etc. I even saw myself riding a bike and a scooter. The road used to be rough, sometimes uphill, sometimes downhill and sometimes plain. At times I used to be alone and sometimes with a friend or a family member.

This continued till the time I started learning how to drive. After that when the time came for me to buy a car, my dad did not allow me to buy a second hand. I had wanted to buy a second hand car of foreign model but he insisted that buying that would be wastage of money since maintenance would be high and spare parts would not be readily available in the market. He wanted me to buy Indian car of the latest model. So in the end, we ended up buying as per my dad's wish. I had saved some money myself and my parents helped me with some and I bought the car with hard cash. It was like a dream come true for me and an achievement at such a young age. I have still not sold the car since I have got attached to it and will keep it as long as I can though I have another vehicle now. It is still in good condition. And since then I have not dreamt of driving cars again!



What is LOVE?

LOVE...

The very thought makes you feel blissful and on seventh heaven. It means different to different people. There are different kinds of love - husband wife love, lovers love, mothers love, fathers love, childrens love, brothers love, sisters love, friends love etc etc. But overall it all means the same which is caring and loving someone very much sometimes more than yourself. Some love is selfish wherein you look for your own benefits rather than the person you love. Love does not mean forcing someone to love you in return. Love means being happy for the person you love no matter what. The love which is unconditional is the best of all since you do not expect anything in return but still keep in giving unselfishly to that person.

Love does not mean loving the physical features of a person but the inner beauty which is there to stay forever. It means accepting that person as they are with their shortcomings. Love means trust and understanding each other along with respect. Love means being there for someone when the whole world is against them. Love means the comfort level which you share where you don't have to use words to express your feelings. Just one look or one touch is enough to put the message across. Love means doing something for your loved ones. Love means spending time with them and sharing your feelings. It is just a small four letter word but it means everything. It is easy to say but very difficult to actually mean it from the heart.

Nowadays you say I LOVE YOU to so many people that you lose count of them. True love is hard to find. For men love means attraction basically. When they are pursuing the one they love, then they are ready to do everything for them. They are so caring, do little things to keep thier girl happy, call them number of times in a day just to hear her voice. Some shower thier girls with gifts and flowers and surprises which are the key  ingredients which any girl would fall for. But once they get married then it turns to another kind of love. They stop all the things they did while courting.

Some men don't love anyone but has plenty of girlfriends or wife. Some marriages are without love. It is one of compromise or for the sake of the children. They both do their own thing and carry on as if nothing has happened. They are just two people sharing a house and maybe couple of kids. I like the kind of love which keeps on growing rather than diminishing which goes on till the end of your life.

There are people who even sacrifice their lives for the one they love. There are others who are too possessive about the one they love to the extent that they can kill someone also. This kind of love is dangerous. There is silent kind of love where they never express their love to the one they love. There are people who take their own life when they don't get the love of their life. There are others who claim they love more than two persons. There are some who love their own kind and though it is not common but slowly getting recognized in some countries. There are many guys who were bad but mended their ways once they fell in love.

Love has the strength to melt even the hardest of all hearts. Some go mad if they don't get the one they love. Love is one thing which knows no barrier, no religion, no caste, no color. It is the only language known all over the world. Love can make the impossible seem possible. Love can change you into a better person.

In the end Love wins all.

Different colors of friends...

Anyone can be there for you in your good times but a real friend will be there for you in your bad times. A true friend is the one who will stand by you even if the whole world is against you without any need of explanation. True friendship is hard to find these days. People have become selfish in choosing their friends nowadays. They want to be around people who can boost their career or business or who are influential. It is truely said that we know who our friends are in times of adversity since it is the time people run away from you or make you stand alone to face the world.

There are two kinds of friends - real and fake. The real one talks good about you behind your back and stands by you against all odds. The fake one talks good only infront of you but talks badly about you behind your back and is the first one to run away from you the moment you are in some trouble or going through some rough phase.

I have many friends and I must say I had the opportunity of having both real and fake friends. I knew my fake friends in my bad times when I really needed a friend. One of them tried to ruin my career and my character by spreading false rumours just because that person was jealous of me and I had no idea that there was so much hatred for me. My life was hell at that time but thanks to my family who stood by me through all those times and I could bounce back to life after sometime.

In another case I was going through a difficult phase in my life when I had no one to share my problems. I really needed a friend that time who would stand by me and give me moral support but the friends whom I counted as my best friends were the ones who talked badly behind my back and were not there when I needed them. But after everything was over, they came back to me as if nothing happened. It is hurting to know that your friends change colors within no time. I am happy that at least my bad times showed me who my true friends are and whom to trust henceforth.

Now you must be thinking whether I stand by my friends when they are in need. Then I must say that I have always stood by them no matter what and I have never talked bad about them behind their back. For me friendship means for ever. You know what hurts more? The truth what your friend did behind your back to you since you did not expect that then what your enemy does to you in front of you? That's why there's a saying that it is better to have a known enemy than an unknown friend.

Drinking... a killer in disguise

People say that they start drinking for a reason but I beg to differ here. I have my reasons to support that. They say that they started drinking because somebody ditched them and they drink to forget them. There are others who have been ditched but they have not taken to drinking to forget or overcome the feeling. Some say that they started drinking since they were facing a lot of tensions or personal problems.

But is drinking the solution to your problems? Will drinking make all your problems go away? I think its just an excuse to drink and nothing else. Once they are habituated they don't even need any reason to drink.

In Bhutan drinking has become a habit and is increasing day by day. In the name of socialising, people start drinking and even women are not far behind. They look down on people who don't drink labeling them as backward and conservative. In fact they should be respected since they are not under the control of alcohol. If it is a bottle of beer or two, a glass of wine or a peg or two of whisky occasionally then by all means it is within the limit. But some people don't stop at that and drink till they are completely out and that too almost all days of the week, because of which there is an ever rising cases of divorce, affairs, fights, arguments, accidents etc nowadays. There is hardly any family time together since people prefer to be out of the house most of the time. People have become too selfish that they think only of themselves and their enjoyment and do not think of their wives, children, old parents at home who are dependent on them.

Drinking is also one of the main causes for liver cirrhosis and early death. When people are drunk they become violent and beat their wives and children mercilessly for no apparent reason. They spend most of their savings in drinking and thus become difficult to run the house. In spite of knowing the consequences, people still become addicted to it and continue doing so.

In Bhutan, in the name of tradition and culture, people tend to drink but I don't think any religion or tradition in the world will teach you to drink till you are out of your senses or drink day in and day out. Everything done in moderation is good for health but people tend to forget that and drink as if there is no tomorrow.

I personally think that there would be more happiness everywhere if people would drink less and in moderation. Drinking is a slow poison and we don't have any right to kill ourselves before our time comes.

Greed... a necessary evil?

We human beings are greedy by nature. The degree of greediness varies from person to person. Greediness could be for anything from money, fame, status, material things etc depending on individuals. We just can't get enough of what we have or get - we want more and more. To a moderation, it is good to be greedy since it makes you do something to achieve that. But if you are too greedy then you just look at the end and not the means to get that. I mean you would go to any lengths to achieve what you want.

If we are satisfied with what we have then we don't need to get things by unfair means. But we want money, more of it in the fastest way possible. It is because of our greed only otherwise we can earn enough for just basic food, shelter and clothing. Every day we get to hear someone robbing, theft cases, siphoning money, taking bribes directly or indirectly, cheating etc and the list is endless.

What makes people do these? It is greed only which makes them do these things even knowing the risk involved in it and getting caught in the act. On top of that losing their good name which will never come back once they lose it. Some even go to the extent of taking someone else's life and end up behind the bars for many years. Even if you achieve a high status by unfair means, you will not be respected by people and very soon you may not be holding that also. Some take money from people for getting their job done for which they are already getting their salary. Sometime they get in kind or take some favours from parties and then they are obliged to do something for them in return. This is the trend which is happening everywhere which is wrong but people are practising it.

The more you have the more you want and human wants can never be satisfied. We tend to spend more than we earn and that's why we feel that we don't have enough money. If we live beyond our means then obviously we will not be happy. If only we are happy with what we have and try to achieve what we want by good means, then this world would be a better place to live in. There would be no crimes, no war and everywhere there would be harmony.

The Value of money...

Nowadays everything revolves around money and it has almost become like a god. Without it we are nowhere and nobody would even give you a second glance. I am not trying to say money is not needed but there is a big difference between need and want. Our wants are many and for that we need more money. If we use it for our basic necessities then we don't need lot of money.

We have lost the value of money nowadays. When we were kids what we used to get with ten ngultrums, now we hardly get anything for the same. If we go for shopping with 500 ngultrums, we can hardly get anything but with the same we used to be able to buy a lot and even save some. Everything has become costlier nowadays. We don't value money for what it is worth. We spend more than we earn. We buy things unnecessarily just to maintain some status. We don't try to live within our means. And that's the reason why we are not happy and satisfied.

I learnt to value money from my early days since my parents never over indulged us by giving us the best they could and I am forever grateful for that. My dad's principle is to live within one's means and never to borrow money from others especially friends since that is the root cause of many clashes and enmity. He is even against taking loans from the banks. He did not wanted his children to repay the debt and interest.

I graduated from India and later on did my masters too from India and my stay over there taught me a lot about life. I could see the difference in the way of living between us and them. Where they believe in saving, we believe in spending. Where they save for tomorrow, we live for today. There every single rupee counts and makes a difference and here we think of bigger numbers only. There knowing the value of money does not mean being stingy but here we think that if you value money then it is being stingy. Here we don't even mind paying more for what that thing actually costs. But I feel that paying more than what it is worth is unnecessary wastage of money and we are not multimillionaire that we can spend money just like water.

It is our responsibility that we teach our younger generation right from the beginning the value of money among other things. Nowadays parents have become busy in their own lives and don't spend as much time with their children and in order to compensate that they provide their kids with everything and even give them huge pocket money. The result of which we can see that more youngsters are into drugs, gangs etc.

We should use money but not let it rule us.

The new method of teaching...

The method of teaching in earlier days and now are entirely different. In those days it was more like whatever teachers taught we used to learn that by heart and those who could not mug up used to have tough time remembering answers word by word. For me it was always that I had to understand the topic and then only I could write the answer and that too in my own words. But not many teachers used to appreciate this and used to give less marks even though answers were correct. During my school days I always used to feel that how good it would be if the teachers let us write what we have understood rather than what was in the book or what the way the teacher taught us. Writing this here does not mean that I have any hard feelings towards any of my teachers, I am just comparing the methods of teaching then and now. Though I have not been a very bright student but I have been a very hardworking student till my masters.

Now the method of teaching has changed and I must say I am quite impressed. The lessons now make you think and is given with lots of examples around you, be it in science, social studies, maths etc. I think children now should be happy and proud that they are learning in an interactive manner. Before they answer a question, they have to understand it and think about it and then answer it. I think the books now or the lessons taught now are more closer to what we do in reality in every sphere. It makes you aware of what is happening around you and what are the significance of each topic in our everyday lives. And all these would make a solid foundation in our lives. What I could see lacking in our times is that though people get degrees and holding a job but they were not knowing the fundamental basics well. I mean to say that though someone might have been able to give a definition of a particular word or topic, they would not be in the position to answer if you really ask them what it meant. They would be just telling what was in the book without actually understanding it.

Sometimes I just wish that I could go back to school and study once more with the modern methods and utilize my brain to its full capacity. I am neither a teacher nor a student but this was something I just wanted to share through my perspective. Some of the teachers made me the person who I am today and I am forever grateful for that, especially my English teacher because of whom I love English and it has been my favourite subject and my maths teacher in school because of whom I started loving the subject and scoring good marks in it.

Visit to Taktshang

I clearly remember that day as if it was yesterday. It was a beautiful April morning. I was on tour to thimphu and the day before i got a call from my mom saying she wanted to go to Taktshang. So all of a sudden I planned to go with her since i knew that i couldnot have gone on my own. When i told my plan to my friend she agreed to go with us. So we took her car, rather i drove the car till the foothills of Taktshang.

It was early morning and the weather was pleasant. We started our uphill journey enjoying the scenery around. We met couple of people on the way either coming down or going up and exchanged pleasantries. When we reached the spot from where we can see Taktshang clearly, the view was simply breathtaking and i couldnot believe that i had managed to reach there. I always used to feel that i would never be able to go there since i had some problem with my leg. But i was proved wrong, since where there is a will there is a way. And i think when you make up your mind to visit some holy place, then nothing is going to stop you.

But a funny incident happened when i was there in one of the lhakangs. I was deeply praying and didnot realize that everyone had left the room and even the Kenyar had left the room and locked me inside. It was only when my friend realised i was missing, that they opened the door and found me inside. So this was some experience for me...

Was it my Past Life?

I found myself among the lush green valley with terraced rice fields. I was among a group of girls and boys who had come to visit the place. It looked like we were on a school tour. But when we came upon a ruined house, suddenly I had a feeling that I had been to that place before and everything seemed so familiar to me. I even knew how the house looked like when it had seen its better days. I even told my friends that I had been to this place before. Then everything went into a flashback for me like in the movies.

I was the one who stayed in that house which was now in ruins. I was a teenager and I was walking along a path and suddenly I felt somebody hold my hand. I could not see his face but I somehow knew that person and was happy to be with him. We walked together holding our hands for quite sometime. After sometime he was no more with me and I was walking alone. I was lost in his thoughts, happy to have met him and may be was returning home when suddenly a bus came from nowhere in front of me and ran over me. I had no time to escape since the road was too narrow and I was thrown off the road after hitting the bus. I screamed and I could feel piercing pain in my legs and could not move my legs.

It was at that moment that I woke up and found that I was still screaming. I had seen a dream but it was so real that I could remember every single detail clearly from the dream. I saw this dream when I was in school but I can still recollect it even today. I wondered then and I wonder now whether it had something to do with my past life. The interesting thing or the unbelievable thing is that when I got married years later and went to his village, the scenery was something similar to what I had seen in my dream. The whole experience was nostalgic to me.

Was it a Dream or was it real???

It happened when I was doing my masters and I was staying as a paying guest for sometime. The incident still brings a chill to my body whenever I recollect it.

That night after having my dinner, I went to bed early since many of my friends were not there. The clock had not even struck 12' and I was not even fully asleep at that time. But I could feel the presence of somebody standing near the foot of my bed. When somehow I managed to gather some courage to take a peek at the foot of my bed I saw a figure dressed in white standing. But I couldnot make out the face since I was too scared to get up and have a look. Sometime later I felt somebody choking me and I was not even able to shout for help. After what seemed like an eternity the figure or whatever it was released me and vanished through the window. Then I got up from my bed and ran to the other room where my host stayed. I was not able to go back to the bed so I slept with my host that night. She tried to console me and put me to sleep finally.

It was one of my scariest experiences in life. I don't know whether what I saw that night was a ghost or not.