Sometimes I wish things were different...

Why did I put myself in this situation? Was it really my fate or my doing? or was it my bad karma that I am suffering like this? Do I really deserve this? All sorts of questions pops inside my head whenever I am feeling low or lonely.

Even when I am with others at times I feel lonely since nobody understands me really well. Nobody understands what I am going through and there is noone with whom I can share what I feel. Is this what life is all about? Does everyone goes through like this or is it me only who is going through this? I get no answers since the questions come back to me like a boomerang.

In the meantime life goes on and I start my everyday with a smile on my face and ready to face all challenges in life whatever it may be.

Language isn't a problem anymore

Though priviledged to be born in the beautiful valley of our capital city, I have spent most of my life in the southern belt. My parents were working in the Government and had done their schooling from India. They were well conversant in Lhotsamkha and hindi. Since they were working, they used to be transferred after certain period but luckily or unluckily it was always in the southern region and that too always near the border. Maybe because of all these factors and the fact that we used to converse in lhotsamkha at home, we children also used to talk in that language only. Another reason was at that time speaking Dzongkha was not that compulsory. Now after growing up, we sometimes like to blame it on our parents and we even questioned them as to why we did not speak Dzongkha at home like others. But maturity says that it is easier to put the blame on others but fault was ours also in some way.

In school it was no better since we used to speak lhotsamkha and sometimes english but dzongkha was rare. Even the dzongkha lopen used to explain it to us in nepali. I used to score good in other subjects but because of less marks in dzongkha, my percentage would come down drastically. I could never rote or mug up so I could not perform that well in dzongkha. So in totality, my dzongkha was very poor both spoken and written. Somehow I managed to get through class ten and as I wanted to pursue in science I got my admission in India. After that I completed my graduation and masters from India only. But while I was there, I used to speak dzongkha with some bhutanese friends since it was matter of prestige too. Otherwise, I used to speak in dzongkha only when spoken to or when I used to visit my native village where they can't understand or speak anything other than dzongkha.

Even when I started working, I did not face any problem since people speak english and lhotsamkha along with dzongkha. The thing was even the job I landed up with was in the southern border town only. It was only after I met my better half and got married, that I started speaking dzongkha at home and also in office. I must say that I have improved my vocabulary and I must thank my better half for that. It was only after marriage that I got interested to watch dzongkha programs, movies and listening to dzongkha songs. Now I even think in dzongkha sometimes.

So now I can proudly say that language is not a problem anymore - at least spoken.

My First Car...

I don't know exactly when the thought of buying a car came to my mind but it could be during one of the rides I took in my friend's car. She had an old model toyota corona and we used to hang around together most of the time and go for long drives along with other friends. It was around that time that I always used to dream about all types of vehicles and in the dream I used to be always in a situation that I had to drive the car though I did not know how to drive one.

Dreams were frequent and the only change was the scenario and the type of vehicle. Sometimes it used to be a Landcruiser, sometimes just a car, sometimes a Jeep etc etc. I even saw myself riding a bike and a scooter. The road used to be rough, sometimes uphill, sometimes downhill and sometimes plain. At times I used to be alone and sometimes with a friend or a family member.

This continued till the time I started learning how to drive. After that when the time came for me to buy a car, my dad did not allow me to buy a second hand. I had wanted to buy a second hand car of foreign model but he insisted that buying that would be wastage of money since maintenance would be high and spare parts would not be readily available in the market. He wanted me to buy Indian car of the latest model. So in the end, we ended up buying as per my dad's wish. I had saved some money myself and my parents helped me with some and I bought the car with hard cash. It was like a dream come true for me and an achievement at such a young age. I have still not sold the car since I have got attached to it and will keep it as long as I can though I have another vehicle now. It is still in good condition. And since then I have not dreamt of driving cars again!



Different colors of friends...

Anyone can be there for you in your good times but a real friend will be there for you in your bad times. A true friend is the one who will stand by you even if the whole world is against you without any need of explanation. True friendship is hard to find these days. People have become selfish in choosing their friends nowadays. They want to be around people who can boost their career or business or who are influential. It is truely said that we know who our friends are in times of adversity since it is the time people run away from you or make you stand alone to face the world.

There are two kinds of friends - real and fake. The real one talks good about you behind your back and stands by you against all odds. The fake one talks good only infront of you but talks badly about you behind your back and is the first one to run away from you the moment you are in some trouble or going through some rough phase.

I have many friends and I must say I had the opportunity of having both real and fake friends. I knew my fake friends in my bad times when I really needed a friend. One of them tried to ruin my career and my character by spreading false rumours just because that person was jealous of me and I had no idea that there was so much hatred for me. My life was hell at that time but thanks to my family who stood by me through all those times and I could bounce back to life after sometime.

In another case I was going through a difficult phase in my life when I had no one to share my problems. I really needed a friend that time who would stand by me and give me moral support but the friends whom I counted as my best friends were the ones who talked badly behind my back and were not there when I needed them. But after everything was over, they came back to me as if nothing happened. It is hurting to know that your friends change colors within no time. I am happy that at least my bad times showed me who my true friends are and whom to trust henceforth.

Now you must be thinking whether I stand by my friends when they are in need. Then I must say that I have always stood by them no matter what and I have never talked bad about them behind their back. For me friendship means for ever. You know what hurts more? The truth what your friend did behind your back to you since you did not expect that then what your enemy does to you in front of you? That's why there's a saying that it is better to have a known enemy than an unknown friend.

Visit to Taktshang

I clearly remember that day as if it was yesterday. It was a beautiful April morning. I was on tour to thimphu and the day before i got a call from my mom saying she wanted to go to Taktshang. So all of a sudden I planned to go with her since i knew that i couldnot have gone on my own. When i told my plan to my friend she agreed to go with us. So we took her car, rather i drove the car till the foothills of Taktshang.

It was early morning and the weather was pleasant. We started our uphill journey enjoying the scenery around. We met couple of people on the way either coming down or going up and exchanged pleasantries. When we reached the spot from where we can see Taktshang clearly, the view was simply breathtaking and i couldnot believe that i had managed to reach there. I always used to feel that i would never be able to go there since i had some problem with my leg. But i was proved wrong, since where there is a will there is a way. And i think when you make up your mind to visit some holy place, then nothing is going to stop you.

But a funny incident happened when i was there in one of the lhakangs. I was deeply praying and didnot realize that everyone had left the room and even the Kenyar had left the room and locked me inside. It was only when my friend realised i was missing, that they opened the door and found me inside. So this was some experience for me...

Was it a Dream or was it real???

It happened when I was doing my masters and I was staying as a paying guest for sometime. The incident still brings a chill to my body whenever I recollect it.

That night after having my dinner, I went to bed early since many of my friends were not there. The clock had not even struck 12' and I was not even fully asleep at that time. But I could feel the presence of somebody standing near the foot of my bed. When somehow I managed to gather some courage to take a peek at the foot of my bed I saw a figure dressed in white standing. But I couldnot make out the face since I was too scared to get up and have a look. Sometime later I felt somebody choking me and I was not even able to shout for help. After what seemed like an eternity the figure or whatever it was released me and vanished through the window. Then I got up from my bed and ran to the other room where my host stayed. I was not able to go back to the bed so I slept with my host that night. She tried to console me and put me to sleep finally.

It was one of my scariest experiences in life. I don't know whether what I saw that night was a ghost or not.